So, this is what I look like when I wear my mask out in public. I call it my ugly mask, because I feel like a freak with it on. But I do know that it is worth it if I get to do the things that I want. It is easier to just stay home and not do anything at all, but I have kids want me to be a part of their lives, so I am willing to look like a freak if it means I get to go out and do things.

Today is a sad one for me. I feel like crying. I have felt foggy all day and I waited too late to eat my breakfast and so my blood sugar was low, and thus, I ate too many carbs for breakfast. I started feeling pretty bad... like I had a hangover. I checked my blood sugar and it was 174, two hours after eating breakfast. Now, I know that the American Diabetes Association wants post meals numbers to be 180 or below, but I feel better when I am at 160 or below. So even though I was a bit over my personal target number I was still in a safe range... so that wasn't why I felt like dog shit.

My daughter wanted to run to Wal-Mart to look for a blouse to wear to the St. Patrick's dance tonight so I went out. It was while I was sitting in the van in a fog, feeling bewildered that I thought it might be from some recently exposure. Once dd got in the van, she helped me figure out where all I had been. I honestly couldn't remember where I was yesterday and Monday. Which should have been my biggest tip-off. I couldn't remember anything. On Monday I had a team meeting with my son's case manager, PSR leader and their boss, about if my son would still be allowed to stay in the program that allowes him to live in his own apartment. The problem is that there is a mold problem in the building he lives in. I can smell it the second I walk in the door. They have air freshener plug-ins in each apartment (except my son's) and up an down the hallway, trying to cover up the smell. So for a person with MCS, it was pretty rough. I had to deal with the mold AND the air fresheners. I wore my face mask, but I think that it can only do so much. I sat in there about an hour and a half. Plus, I think that my car is leaking exhaust again...

All this to say, I at least know why I feel so bad. I don't know why I get so upset when I figure one of these things out... I just get so frustrated when I am reminded of my limitations.

Frustrated and sad.

So I spent a good portion of today on the phone trying to find out why my son is having so many problems at his new apartment. He has bipolar1 and ADHD and moved into an apartment that has a small amount of support for people that have mental illness. I won't bore you with all of the conversations that I had, but both his case manager and the lady that leads the classes he is required to attend for four hours a day in order to live there, think that we may have underestimated his life skills. So they think that he may do better in a facility where he can have more help. Where he is living now is #3 in a four level program. So he is one level away from being ready to go out on his own. They think he needs to go back down to level one, which is a lot like living in a psych ward. I think that based on the little that I know, he needs to move down to #2. Honestly I am not sure. There is no set parameters of what abilities fit at which location. I plan to ask about that. John's case manager, Robin is going to suggest a meeting of she and the other lady that works with him, me, John, and the head of this department. I think it all comes down to this: if he wants to live there, he needs to start doing what is required of him or he needs to move to a different location. He got pretty defensive tonight when I spoke to him about it. He wants to stay there. In his favor, I did find out today that Robin has not been working with him as much as she does the other clients because of a billing issue. The boy has lived there a month, and she has not helped him like she was supposed to, but she had no problems writing him up for infractions. So I am frustrated.

I am heartbroken because I am starting to think that he may never be able to live on his own. When you have a baby, you have dreams and thoughts of what he or she will be like as they grow older, things they will accomplish. I feel like I am having to give up those dreams. I know that there are new ones to take their place, but it is still very sad to me. It reminds me of the poem "Welcome to Holland".

FWIW... once you get to the point that you don't crave carbs anymore... don't give in and think that it is OK and you can eat them. IT IS A LIE!!!! I fell off the wagon and it is like having withdrawl all over again. This is worse than when I quit drinking and doing drugs. It does help that there isn't very many sugarey junk in the house. But I am still restless and just want to go in there and eat half the fridge. The only thing that is keeping me going is knowing that I was able to get past the cravings before and that I lost 7 lbs by eating better. So I guess that I am going to just grit my teeth and hang on.

Well, I finally got to use my new face mask. I bought a mask from "I Can Breathe", a compnay that specializes in face masks. Their design is pretty different too. I feel like I look like I am wearing a basket muzzle for a dog. But it works very well. In my last post on Friday I mentioned my MCS, and how much I hated it. I left for the day soon after that post and I went to tag my car. One of my stops was the DMV. Apparently they use some kind of a scented product for a cleaner because as soon as I stepped in there I could smell it. My friend K, who was with me even commented on it. So I decided that I didn't want to suffer and that I would rather be stared at and put the mask on. The teenaged girl standing with her mom at the window next to mine kept looking at me, but the adults in the room didn't. I resisted the urge to explain why I was wearing it, and instead focused on getting the check written so I could go home. Let me tell you that once you have been using one of the masks, and you have the chance to breathe fresh air... the moment you take the mask off it is bliss!

Well today I yet again HATE having MCS. Multiple Chemical Sensitivity sucks. So how evil is it that a person is made sick by scents... but we become super sniffers. I can smell a scent much stronger or sooner than normal people. So I get the joy of betting exposed quicker and for longer periods of time. YAY... not! Today I was getting on to my daughter, Bailey because she used a new hairspray that triggerd me. And then all of a sudden I noticed an orange/rosemary smell. And I thought that she had sprayed some new perfume or something. It turns out that the scent was from the carpets being cleaned in the apartment downstairs. I called my landlord to ask if it was going to go on for very long, and I am glad that I did. They are going to shampoo another one in my breezeway, one on the same level as my apartment. The perfume is sure to come in under my door since my weather stripping is not very good. Asit is, I had to close my patio door... no more fresh air for me for a while. Actually I am just going to leave for a while since I have errands to run. But when I leave I am going to have to wear my ugly face mask just to walk to the van. It isn't their fault... in fact I think that the scent is pretty. Too bad I will probably be triggered by it and will feel the effects of it tomorrow or Sunday. Did I mention that I really hate having MCS?
God bless you and yours
Deb

I'm baaaaack!

Well, it sure has been a long time since I posted on here. I originally had this blog as part of an assignment for my college English class. I was required to write in it so much that I kind of got tired of doing it, so I think that is why I stayed away for so long.

But now I find that I need some place to vent my frustrations and "someone" to talk to about what is going on in my life. So that is what this is.

Right now the most previlant thing in my life is my trying to control my diabetes with diet and exercise. I was diagnosed in September of 2010. My A1c was at a 7, which is the magic number that doctors use to decide if a person is diabetic. I just had another test on Feb. 22, and it was down to 6.8 which is technically not diabetic, but close enough that I still consider myself diabetic. The last five months of my life were probably the most stressfull since my husband died five years ago. Yes, even my cancer diagnosis and resulting hysterectomy wasn't this stressfull. God must have given me a special kind of calm. But I digress. I had a falling out with my best friend, my daughter's birth mother found us and started a bunch of crap and my son who has bipolar was hospitalized and was really becoming a handfull. He just moved out a couple of weeks ago, into a special apartment complex for folks that have mental issues... so he is getting some help and I am getting a much needed break. So, all this to say it has been a very stressfull time in my life. I eat when I am stressed and stress also causes blood sugar to go up. So it was a double whammey for me.

I found a great, online calorie counter/blood gucose tracker that has been wonderful for me. It is at www.livestrong.com and I plan to keep on using it to help me keep track of my eating.

So, yeah. I am hoping that this is a start to a new way of dealing with my issues.

A real family friendly movie!

For a child that has severe autism the world can be a scary place. Imagine what it would be like trying to go to the movies. A strange place with new sights and smells. Darkness followed by the loud movie soundtrack. Even if the child isn't bothered by those things, and they enjoy the movie, excitement and happiness is often expressed by loud laughter, screams, jumping around or flapping hand movements. That generally doesn't make for a fun family movie visit.

Now, thanks to AMC movie theatres that has changed, according to this article at Time.com. In 2007Marianne Ross of Elkridge, MD, was asked to leave a movie theatre because her daughter displayed symptoms similar to those mentioned above. Not satisfied with believe that her child would not be able to enjoy a movie theater experience, Mrs. Ross contacted the manager of her local AMC theatre. Dan Harris (the manager) took the time to speak to Mrs. Ross and meet her daughter. Once he knew the situation he was willing to try an experiment. He offered a unique "Sensory Friendly" viewing of a movie to see how things would turn out. Marianne Spread word through her Autism support group and they filled the 300 seat theatre to capacity. Ross and Harris tried this several more times, each with the same results. Mr. Harris decided to contact the public relations department of the AMC corporate headquarters. Again, the "experiment" was conducted and was a success.

So, now in major cities (see here for a map of participating theaters) on April 10, 2010, thousands of children with Autism will be able to view a special screening of "How to Train Your Dragon" in a "Sensory Friendly" setting. This means that the movie will start promptly on time (10:00 AM) with no previews, the lights will be dim but on, and the sound will be turned down. If the children need to get up and walk around or move, it will be just fine. Finally, any families with special dietary needs will be able to bring snacks in from home. These are HUGE things in the world of Autism. As explained above, the darkness can be frightening and so can the loud noises. Some children with Autism can become agitated if things don't happen in a specific way, thus the starting promptly on time. And a large number of families living with a loved one that has an Autism Spectrum Disorder, are now eating foods that are gluten and casein (a protein found in milk) free. That eliminates a majority of theatre fare. But now, the kids with special diets can enjoy their "safe" snacks along with the other movie-goers.

April is Autism Awareness month, and with the estimates of every 1 in 110 children in America have some form of Autism, the "Sensory-Friendly" movies couldn't come at a better time.

Bye bye birdie

So, as usual I am writing about one of my kids. I think that if nothing else blogging has been very therapeutic for me. I have a theory. Wanna know what it is? I think that God, in His infinite wisdom, made teenagers cranky and smelly for the same reason that a lot of the mothers of teenagers are peri or pre menopausal and the dad's of teens are hitting their mid-life crisis. It is time for them to leave the nest, and this makes it easier, not getting along. Seriously.
I love all three of my children. I have homeschooled them for the last 9 years, and I am around my kids for the majority of my week. I am single, I don't date and I don't belong to any groups or organizations that take me away from the children. This is partially due to choice and partially due to finances. All that to say that I am around them a LOT! By choice. I have had to the joy of watching them grow and develop into independent, thoughtful young adults. Well, one of them is a young adult, and the other one is literally days away from "adulthood".
Last January when it was time for my first baby birdie to leave the nest, I had to almost push her out the door. She knew it was time to move into the dorms and go to college. But she was still scared. Now, my next baby birdie in the line-up is trying to jump out too soon. He believes he is ready to go out and live on his own and escape my "tyrannical rule". He has no money, job or even a drivers license, but he thinks he is ready. I am not sure if this is typical behavior for a 17 (almost 18) year old young man or if it the bipolar rearing its ugly head yet again, but he has now taken to sneaking food that contains ingredients that he is allergic to, lying to me and taking my things. It is not pretty around here right now.
When I confront him on his behavior, the lies and stealing, he swears up and down that he isn't doing whatever it is that I know he is. He is either an incredible liar or he really believes what he is saying. And if it looks to him like I am not buying what he is saying, he will try another tactic. He reminds me of one of those people that put together puzzles all the time. They pick up a piece and try one way to get it to fit. If it doesn't work, they will try again and again, slightly turning the piece or moving to another place. The excuses that come from my child's mouth are like that. If this excuse doesn't convince mom, then let's try to tweak it here and see if that works. I want to ask him if I look stupid or what, but I am afraid of his answer. I am hoping that this is just another phase and if I keep the boundaries firm, he will eventually grow out of it. I worry for his future if not.

Priorities

In the world of high school basketball, going to a state tournament is the stuff of dreams. This year, the North West Yeshiva girls basketball team from Mercer Island, Washington achieved their dream. Not only that, but the 613s (the nick name given them because of the 613 commandments they keep) set two records. They became the first Jewish high school to make it to state, and then they became the first team in the state to pull out of a postseason game.

Why would an underdog team like the 613s pull out of the tournament when they worked so hard to get there? Because their priorities are set on their faith, rather than their game. See, it all started when the team was scheduled for a consolation round game. That game fell on the afternoon of the Fast of Esther, a time where those observing Purim (a Jewish holiday) don't eat or drink anything. The coaches and the head of the school, Rabbi Bernie Fox decided that playing basketball without any water would be too dangerous for the players. All of the team members were dedicated to keeping the fast and were supportive of the decision to not play.

Rabbi Fox contacted the Washington Interscholastic Activities Association (WIAA) and offered several different suggestions as to how they could still play and keep their fast. Among those suggestions were to move the game to the evening, when sunset would call the fast to an end, and moving the game to a different location in the evening. The school even offered to help finance any costs incurred in this move. But the WIAA refused saying that it would not be fair to any of the other teams, and that it would eliminate the "state tournament experience". Not only did the WIAA refuse to allow the game to be moved, but the group is considering sanctioning the team for forfeiting the game. At this point only time will tell if that happens, as the WIAA will not be meeting to discuss business until late March.

With nothing else to do but forfeit, the 613s wanted to be good sports, so they suited up, took the court and shook hands with each member of the opposing team, the girls from St. John-Endicott. This display of good sportsmanship and dedication to their religious convictions has brought media attention to the small school of 95 students. Rabbi Fox said that he is very proud of his team. "Whether you're in a public school or religious school, you want kids to gather not just knowledge, but values to guide decisions in life," Fox said. "This was a situation where the team was challenged to do that - to prioritize. And they felt that as important as this basketball tournament was, they couldn't compromise their personal values." Purim, the holiday being celebrated, is to commemorate a time in Jewish history when one person's dedication to doing what was right saved her entire people. I think that it is more than fitting that this group of students are facing these tough decisions during this observance. Personally, I think they made the right choice.

Are we there yet?

For most people traveling can be… You know, I don't know how to finish that statement. I don't know how traveling is for most people. I haven't travelled for a long time. More of that "phobias from my past" thing. I can remember as a kid that I loved to travel from Topeka, Kansas where I was from, to Pea Ridge, Arkansas where my mother's family all lived. I enjoyed watching the scenery pass by the car window. I saw so many fun things. As I was thinking about how to finish that opening statement I remembered my fun travels as a kid, but I also remembered the "Vacation" movies that poked fun at the travails of travel, and how Chevy Chase was almost insane by the end of the trip. I have heard horror stories as well as tales destined to be part of family lore for generations.

This last weekend I had the privilege of traveling to Louisville Kentucky. The cheerleading squad my daughter is on went to an event sponsored by the Christian Cheerleaders of America. So, we packed up five cheerleaders, five parents and a lot of luggage into two mini-vans and started what was supposed to be an eight hour trip. One of the mom's husband was a truck driver and had the whole trip laid out for us down to the best rest stops and gas stations. But, you know the old saying about the best laid plans… The first person to ask for an un-scheduled rest stop was me, thirty-three miles into the trip. I should have followed my own advice when I was yelling at everyone to go to the bathroom before we hit the road. So, what was supposed to be an eight hour trip turned into a ten hour trip. We even tried to shave time off by eating at a rest stop somewhere in Indiana. Let me tell you that trying to eat a cold sandwich out of a cooler in the middle of February, standing outside is very conducive to making the meal go faster, but boredom on the road leads to restlessness and lots of stops. Each place was nice and I saw a lot of interesting things, with one exception. My advice to anyone traveling along I-64 is to not stop in a little town called Sulpher, Indiana. The only gas station in town had two port-a-potties out back next to an eight foot tall block and tackle (used to hoist either car engines or large animals for meat processing) as we left, I swear I heard strains of "Dueling Banjos". Scary, very scary.


Our trip back to Missouri took even longer, but this time we had an excuse. We spent an hour taking photos in downtown Louisville and we also stopped at the Gateway Arch in St. Louis. To further our complications, it started raining and snowing. So, our eight hour trip took thirteen hours this time. We rotated who sat where both directions, and I honestly got the chance to talk to other adults (being a single, homeschooling mom, this is a precious commodity!) and deepen our relationships. I had a great time, and I look forward to the next big team event this summer when we all get to drive to Dallas. I guess that I just don't get what the big fuss is about, but that is OK!

One special son

I am the mother of a child with a disability. My son, John, has bipolar 1. You may wonder what this means to the rest of the world. We are blessed that John does not have the kind of bipolar that makes him dangerously violent, sexually promiscuous, darkly suicidal or manic. He is rather even most of the time, with a few exceptions. But perhaps that is the medication.

We first found out that John had bipolar when he was thinking suicidal thoughts. He was fourteen and had written a will and had a plan that involved knives. We had to wait overnight to get him hospitalized (I still wonder if he will be dead or alive when I wake him up some mornings) and it was there that he got his diagnosis. Once they put him on medication to ease the depression, he became manic. So the doctors put him on another medication to ease the mania. Today he is on three medications, one for the depression, one for the mania and one for the ADHD that he was later on diagnosed with. The medicines have some side effects for John, like weight gain and the chance of liver damage, but they have served him for the last three years.
He still has his manic moments, and he doesn't think things through to their conclusion. He is also very grandiose in his thinking. For example: He is seventeen and doesn't have his driver's license or permit yet. There is a reason. He is convinced that he doesn't need to study in order to pass the driver's written test. I have given him the driver's education book three different times for him to study. Each time I don't see him studying it but he insists that he is ready. He isn't. But, he does not listen to me when he is convinced that he can do something like this. So, the only thing that works is to let him do what he thinks he can and be there to help him pick up the pieces. This scenario has played out hundreds of times.

John also has a tendency to be very focused on one project to the point of not seeing potential problems. As I am writing this blog John is creating dragon busts from baked clay and then is painting the fired sculpture. He is so convinced that he can make money by making these and then selling them on the internet that I let him buy some clay and model paints. He was so focused on painting the art that he didn't put the lids back on the paints when he was done and he spilled paint all over my dining room table. Some simple preventative steps would have helped him to avoid the mess. But he just doesn't think that way.

There are some definite positive aspects to his condition. He has a wicked sense of humor and can make me laugh like nobody else can. He is also very creative. He draws, paints, writes, sing, acts and now sculpts with quite a degree of accomplishment. We just need to get the two balanced out to make him a bit more rounded. All the great art in the world won't do us any good if he ruins it by not thinking things through. All the great acting won't get him a part in a play if he is so obnoxious with his jokes that nobody will cast him. I love my son so much, there is no other person in the world that makes me laugh, cry and growl so interchangeably and so quickly.

Is Cheerleading safe?

On June 29th, 2009 the National Center for catastrophic sports injury research (NCCSIR) released a report that claimed that over the last 25 years over 65% of the injuries to female athletes were caused by cheerleading. Ever since then the debate over cheerleading safety has been going strong. There is even rumblings of some kind of legislation defining cheerleading as a sport and setting regulations into place to ensure the safety of the athletes. So the question begs to be asked. Is cheerleading safe?

This question is near and dear to my heart. I am the administrator of a small cheer squad. My 13 year old daughter is on the squad and is a "flyer". A flyer is the student (female, unless you are in Japan) that is at the top of the pyramids and the one that gets thrown into the air. Flyers are also the athletes most likely to suffer catastrophic injuries. This research has been eye opening. There are two camps in this issue, one that warns of the dangers of cheerleading and the other that acknowledges those dangers, but spends more time promoting education.

The National Cheer Safety Foundation is a group started by a mother of a young cheerleader that was injured while cheering. Their main goal seems to be to make parent's of cheerleaders become aware of the dangers that can be present in cheerleading, and to empower them to speak up if they think that proper safety is not being followed. Their website encourages people to tell their injury stories online and features a spokesperson that is a young lady that survived a severe injury while cheering. The stance of the NCF is that the statistics reflecting injuries during cheering are actually too low. They suggest that a number of injuries are minor and are treated by parents coaches or family doctors. Since the statistics are taken from emergency room visits, this has merit.

The group most responsible for the other side of the argument, and the one I agree with, would have to be the American Association of Cheerleading Coaches and Administrators. (AACCA) Their contention is that the statistics being quoted from the NCCSIR is a compilation of over twenty years worth of data, and that cheerleading has actually become safer in the last two years. They advocate education and certification of the coaches, incremental skill building, restricted performance surfaces and a strict set of rules. The example is given referring to gymnastics programs. There is a certification program for gymnastics coaches, each student masters a skill set before moving up to the next level and proper equipment is generally being used. AACCA wants that to happen for cheerleading. They are working with other programs to first off get cheerleading recognized as a sport in all 50 states and to have set guidelines in place to educate coaches and keep athletes safe.

Back to my reason for researching this topic. My squad is competing in a classic in three weeks. The groups we are competing with is the Christian Cheerleaders of America. One of the first things that we were sent once we registered to compete, was a three page list of rules directly from the AACCA website. We agreed to adhere to those rules at the competition, but we have also take them to heart within our program. I am impressed with what I found at the AACCA website and plan to take their safety course so I can be a better administrator. So I do think that cheerleading is safe, when it is practiced in a safe manner. Now we just need to get everyone practicing it safely.

Big Fat Fury!

You know, I have always been pretty even keeled about my size. I know that I got myself here. I am not "big boned" nor do I have a "glandular problem". I am big because I eat too much and exercise too little. Simple as that. I don't blame Mc Donald's, I don't blame anyone but myself. I have endured the stares and jokes with what I hope is grace. I have lost jobs due to fat discrimination, I have lost online "contacts" once the men found out my size. I have been asked my innocent children if I was going to have a baby, I even had an oncologist tell me to lose 50 pounds in one month because the risks of having my cancer surgery fat, outweighed (pardon the pun) the risks of the cancer killing me. So when I say that it takes a lot to get me mad about weight issues, I do mean it. But today something happened that has me so angry that I want to cry.

My daughter is part of a cheerleading squad that is traveling to Kentucky from Missouri. We will be driving in two vans, carpooling to save gas and money. I figured that I had better double check that the seat belts would fit me in both the front and back seats of both vans. The first van, a Chrysler Town and Country was a tight fit in the front seat, but I had ample room in the back seat. OK, that was great, but we were planning on me riding in the other van; so I tried it out. The front seat belt was again, a tight fit, but this time there was a much shorter belt in the back seat. There was no way it was going to even begin to fasten, let alone be comfortable. But, I didn't think it was a big problem because I figured that I would call my local Kia dealership's parts department and ask to buy a seat belt extender. Guess what? Kia does not make seat belt extenders! I asked the parts manager if Kia wanted us big people to just ride around without seat belts or did they want us to fly through the windshield in a crash? I know, it wasn't nice to take out my frustrations on the parts manager, it isn't his fault. So I decided that I had better check with Kia to make sure that this information was accurate.


I finally found a phone number for Kia customer service and spoke with a person. She had to go look up how to placate an angry fat person wanting a seat belt extender, and came back with Kia's official stance on the issue. It would seem that Kia does not offer extenders because they put the person wearing them at risk because they change the "geometry of how a seat belt fits". They further say that if a person does wear one it is their choice to "alter the car" and that it is at their own risk. The lady offered me two websites from the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration that came up as being non-valid sites. I think that she was trying to show me that the NHTSA frowns upon using extenders. And that was the extent of the call. So here is my dilemma. If I had no choice but to ride in that van I would have to put my life at risk and break the law because the seat belt in the back will not fasten and I can't get an extender from Kia. I did find a company that makes a "universal" extender, and I plan to order one and hope it comes in before we leave, but I am very angry that Kia (and several other car companies) don't offer seat belt extenders! Can anyone guess what brand of car I will NEVER buy?

Recently Yahoo news ran an article put out by Prevention magazine. It was titled "The 7 foods experts won't eat" and it caught my eye. Seven experts from differing fields of research or food production were asked what foods they would not eat. Here is the list with an abridged version of their reasoning.

Canned Tomatoes; due to their high acidity a potentially dangerous chemical is leached from the can lining.
Corn Fed Beef; because corn is not the cow's natural diet, eating it creates a product that is lower in nutrition than the alternative: grass fed beef.
Microwave Popcorn; allegedly there is a chemical compound in the lining of the bag that transfers to the popcorn when it pops that can cause liver damage and infertility.
Nonorganic Potatoes; due to the high pesticide and herbicide residue as well as the anti-sprouting chemical sprayed on the potatoes before they are bagged.
Farmed Salmon; because of the poor feed given to the fish, it is high in DDT and other known carcinogens.
Milk Produced with Artificial Hormones; this product has had a lot of bad press not too long ago due to the bovine growth hormone and its link to breast and prostate cancers.
Conventional Apples; due to their high level of pesticide residue and the links between this and cancer and now even Parkinson's.
The article lists further facts as well as the "experts" that were consulted.


I was surprised by some of the choices. I figured that apples would be on the list and the corn fed beef was not unexpected nor was the milk. I have heard lots of press about these foods, and even have local sources for raw milk and grass fed beef. Now the canned tomatoes and the potatoes did take me by surprise. I had heard that an anti-sprouting chemical was sprayed on potatoes, but kind of forgot about the chemicals used in growing the potatoes. I had not heard about any leaching of chemicals in tomato cans either.

I also found the correlation between the expert's field of study and the "bad" food very interesting. For example: the man who raises grass fed beef and writes books about sustainable agriculture is the one that chose corn fed beef as the food to avoid. Likewise, the person researching the chemical, BPA, is the one that recommends against canned tomatoes because of the risk of BPA contamination. Now, don't get me wrong, I am glad that I know this information, it helps me make healthy food choices. But I do resent that these people were listed in the beginning paragraph of the article as "the people at the forefront of food safety". Perhaps they all do have our safety in mind, but they do have a skewed take on what food is the healthiest. This article is a prime example of how spin is used in the media every day.

Setting him up for failure....

Is it fair to your children if you, once in a while, set them up for failure? Can it be a time of learning for all involved, or is it just plain mean? I would suppose that those questions and ones like it are not that uncommon to parents around the world, but this is really the first time I have put a title to what I am doing. I mean that I certainly have done it before but this is the first time it has been calculated and had a title.
I was blessed with a boy-child seventeen years ago. We named him Johnnie. He was always a dramatic and head strong boy, but extremely loving and caring too. He has a soft heart and appreciation for beauty and creativity that, in turn fuels mine. In July of 2006 we discovered that John (he decided to be called John after his dad, also named John, died) had bipolar. I could easily take up the rest of this blog telling y'all about the long journey that we have been on for the last three years with finding the right medications and treatments, but that is for another blog post. Suffice it to say that I learned how to be my son's advocate and that I learned way too much about medicines and dosages and side effects.
John's symptoms manifest in, thankfully, very mild ways compared to some. He has problems focusing and staying on task and often goes into what we call "mission mode" where he can only see one point of view and will do anything to achieve that point. One of the most frustrating things is that emotionally, John is only about 13. Physically he is 6' 3" tall and 250 lbs. Chronologically he is 17, and sees what his fellow 17 year old boys are doing and wants the same. I haven't let him get a driver's license because of his lack of focus. We don't have the money for all of the electronic gadgets, or the extracurricular activities either so John was feeling rather left out. All that led to some wicked bad jealousy and complaints that I was holding him back. He wanted a job. I held him off for a while with a promise that once we moved back into town he could start applying at one of the seven restaurants within walking distance of our apartment.
Well, we moved into town just this last October, and he called my bluff. I had wanted him to wait a bit longer so I could arrange for him to get into a "job shadowing" program, where he would have a more understanding boss as well as a facilitator there to help him learn the ropes. But John didn't want to wait. (Was I ever that impatient?) He kept pestering me to let him work, so even though I knew he was going to fail, I let him go. He found a local sushi restaurant that had a "help wanted" sign in the window and applied. I thought this might work out because John wants to be a chef and is fascinated with sushi and has even made his own at home. But it didn't. John was fired last night. Part of the reason was because John just couldn't focus and was not able to perform the exacting and precise tasks that his boss wanted. Admittedly his boss is one of those that wants everything exactly the same every time no matter what, but John was just not able to do what was expected. I don't know if he ever will be able to work for an exacting person like that. All I know is that he had lots of opportunities at his job to learn and grow but, it is like I knew it was going to be… he couldn't do it. I let him try and hopefully he learned. It was worth it.

"Raisin" the roof

Images of people have been used in advertisements for just about as long as advertisements have been around. It seems that with food advertisements, women play an important role. Some of the older brands have created their own female icons. One such young woman, the Sun-Maid raisin girl recently got a "make over" that has some people complaining.

Legend has it that young Loraine Collette Peterson was "discovered" sitting in her parents Fresno California back yard drying her long, black hair in 1915. She was asked to sit for a painting, where her image was captured in watercolor, holding a basket of grapes while wearing a red sunbonnet. That image was used to launch a new ad campaign and an icon was born. About three years ago the Sun-Maid company launched a new young lady in their TV ads, and she was given an update. The new Sun-Maid is buxom, thinner and is shown walking amongst the grape vines and later, the red carpet.

As we all know, change is never easy. Even though the new digital images of the Sun-Maid has been on the air for over three months, protests are only now being raised. It would seem that the hue and cries are being heard from both ends of the political spectrum. Jezebel.com has an article on their feminist website (along with a hilarious article on which modern day female actresses should play some of our most popular female icons) as does the ultra conservative Weekly Standard. The displeasure ranges from the fact that the CG image looks like a bad video game to suggestions of breast implants. Sun Maid has further plans for our hip, new Sun-Maid that could include seeing her at the gym or shopping or even speaking in different languages. Will the wonders never cease?



Seriously? I mean in the world full of starving children, unspeakable abuses and war we are spending time whining about the image on a box of raisins? OK, I found the article entertaining and the link to the history of the Sun-Maid was a good read. I also Googled the images of some other iconic women just to see how they had changed over the years and while some of them were for the better (Aunt Jemima and Mrs. Butterworth's for instance) it certainly wasn't earth-shattering.
I admit that I too, would prefer to keep our old friend the Sun-Maid the same (and we will on the boxes… the changes are only on the TV commercials) and not have to look at the bad computer animation. But I don't recall the Sun-Maid writing me and asking me what I thought. So, I can let them know that I am unhappy and buy generic raisins or I can let it go. I can only think that it must have been a slow news day at Yahoo Business news for anyone to crank out this mess.

This company isn't going to the dogs!

Working dogs have been a help to man for centuries, but today's dogs face new foes. We use dogs in police work, all branches of the military as well as for private security contractors. One company in Winnipeg Canada made over $50,000 last year helping to outfit those working dogs with new tools to further help their human partners. In this article put out by Fortune and Small Business We meet Jim and Glori Slater, owners of the business K9 Storm. Jim was a K9 handler who realized one day during a prison riot that his dog and partner, Olaf, was very venerable to being stabbed or shot. This led him to retrofit a human flak jacket to fit his dog. Soon, he was swamped with orders from other professional dog handlers, and thus a booming business was born. For the last eleven years the Slaters have been working to perfect the jackets and equipment seen is their latest catalog.

Equipping a dog for war isn't cheap. K9 Storm's vest the "Intruder" starts out at $20,000. That sounds like a lot, but consider that once on the dog (who themselves can cost up to $50,000 to buy and train) has the bullet proof vest on, its handler can then remotely access a camera mounted on the vest along with speakers and a microphone. The handler can see what the dog sees, and can give commands to the dog as well as people in the immediate area. While the "Intruder" doesn't come out until 2010, there are already several orders waiting for it. Fortunately for local police departments there are donations waiting to assist in covering the purchase costs.



Well, I am a dog person so this article fascinated me. I really like that the dogs that are literally on the front lines are being protected so well. I went to the company's website and took a look around. I was really impressed. They carry professional dog handling items ranging from leashes and collars to a vest that is not only bullet-proof, but straps into a harness so that the dog can make parachute jump right along with their human partner.

The fact that there are grants and donations set up to help offset the cost of this very valuable equipment is heartwarming as well. One donor is Ben Roethlisberger, quarterback for the Pittsburg Stealers gave $250,000 to the Pittsburg police and fire departments to outfit their dogs. I like what Brian Adams, spokesman for the MSPCA-Angell Veterinary hospital in Boston said. "Suspects pursued by police will stab, shoot and kick working dogs. They are like any officer of the law. We want to protect them."

A face to go with the name!

Well, y'all have been reading my blog for almost a semester and I have not put a pix up to go with my name. I just haven't had one. I am camera shy. I find that the camera tells a truth that I used to not like, so I wouldn't let anyone take my pix. That has changed in the last couple of months. I like who I am, and the reality that the camera shows is just that, a reality. People either are repelled by it or like me despite it. Those that are turned away by my truth have very seriously lost out, 'cause I rock!! *grin*

This pix that I am putting up is of my family. Of course I am in there, but so is my 19 year old daughter Devon, my 17 year old son John, and my 13 year old daughter, Bailey. They are my beautiful, talented, enchanting, gifts from God. They are my greatest joy and my biggest frustrations!

This pix was taken in Carthage, MO in a prayer garden. It was one of the most peaceful places I have ever been! I could have stayed there all day with a sketch book, camera and the kids. There are so many more pix from our session, but this composite was put together quickly to try to advertise a weekend special for my photographer (photo818.com). There are lots to go through, and I had some head shots taken of me, so I promise to put one of them up for my profile.

God bless you and yours

Deb Seely

When a soldier dies in war, they are afforded certain privileges . A military funeral, a flag draped coffin, and a condolence letter from the President of the United States. But not so if that soldier died by his or her own hand. During the Clinton presidency, policies were changed to exclude death by suicide, according to this article at cnn.com

Gregg Keesling found that out the hard and tragic way. His son, Spc, Chancellor Keesling committed suicide June 19, 2009 while deployed in Iraq. The family picked up the flag draped coffin, and attended the funeral complete with military honors. They even created a memorial wall in their home. They display their son's dress uniform, the flag from his coffin and the Indiana flag that was flown in Washington to honor his death. They left a space in that grouping for the expected condolence letter from the president. But one never came. Finally, after several inquires the family was informed that condolence letters are not written to the families of soldiers that commit suicide.

Gregg Keesling is very careful now how he explains his son's death. He explains it as "dying of suicide". He is also very involved in changing this policy that keeps him from the honor her feels he is due. The Keeslings have written a letter to President Obama, and they have enlisted the help of their local congressmen as well. Keesling feels that his family made the ultimate sacrifice for the good of their country, and the least the president can do for them is to want to send his condolences.



I agree. My late husband was ex military. When he died I received a condolence letter. He was not in combat and had not been in the service for over thirty years. I don't understand what possible good it would do for the president to NOT write letters. The main reason these kids are getting depressed is because they are in battle situations. So basically if they weren't on the battlefield they wouldn't be as depressed and as likely to commit suicide.

Another issue here is the fact that this young soldier was deployed the second time as a reservist. And as such his records (ones that listed his depression and at least one suicide watch) were not sent to his reserve unit. He was reluctant to reveal that he was depressed and had considered suicide. I would think that some better communication between the services would be of help here too. The article states that Spc Keesling was treated at the VA as well. I know from a friend that is a veteran of Iraqi Freedom that the VA is not what a lot of people think it is or what the soldiers need. I liked how the father in this article put it. He said that his son had been injured, but we couldn't see it. It was on the inside